Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Whole 30 Challenge: Scott Kolligan




"Whole9 is a community focused on health, fitness, balance and sanity, all built on a foundation of real food and healthy nutritional habits." (Whole 9 website) CrossFit Akron athletes put their bodies to the test for 30 days. We've had nothing but success. Here are the stories to prove it.  Please vote at the top of the page for the winner.


Overall results: 

3.8% lost in body fat






FACTS
4. Plaintiff incorporates each and every paragraph previously stated in this Complaint as if fully rewritten herein.  
5. In approximately December, 2010, Sledgehammer was fat.  His weight was approaching 177 pounds.  
6. At that time, Sledgehammer had no exercise routine and definitely no diet plan.
7. In mid-January 2011, Sledgehammer attended an “Intro Session” at Defendants’ facility.  He nearly met a character named “Pukie the Clown.”  
8. Sledgehammer is deathly afraid of clowns.  
9. Sledgehammer subsequently, and against his will, enrolled in CrossFit Akron’s OnRamp and regular classes (referred to as “WODs”).
10. Sledgehammer was then invited to compete in a “Whole30” Challenge.
11. Sledgehammer took the challenge, and injuries and damages (mentioned below)
followed.
COUNT I
Intentional Infliction of Carb Deprivation
12. Plaintiff incorporates each and every paragraph previously stated in this Complaint as if fully rewritten herein.
13. Defendants knew of the requirements of the “Whole30” Challenge, and further knew of the anticipated results.  
14. Defendants intended that Sledgehammer would not be able to eat carbohydrates (a staple of Sledgehammer’s former eating habits), yet did not hesitate in recommending this diet to Sledgehammer.  
15. Defendants also specifically prohibited Sledgehammer from eating other delicious food, namely dairy, legumes, and Little Debbie Snack Cakes.  An itemized list of the so-called “healthy” meals Sledgehammer was forced to eat for the 30 days is attached hereto as Exhibit “A”.
16. As a result of Defendants’ intentional acts, Sledgehammer lost nearly 11 pounds in 30 days, and also lost approximately 4% body fat, from 17% to 13%.  
17. Sledgehammer further states that he no longer has an urge to eat bowls full of pasta, biggie-sized french fries, or even a baked potato.  These enjoyments in life have been intentionally taken away from Sledgehammer by Defendants.  
WHEREFORE, Sledgehammer prays for damages in an amount of $345.00, plus interest, court costs, attorney fees and any other relief permitted by Ohio law. 
COUNT II
Destruction of Property
18. Plaintiff incorporates each and every paragraph previously stated in this Complaint as if fully rewritten herein.
19. Sledgehammer is the owner of his body.   
20. Defendants’ actions, especially those of Defendant Brian Parana, have caused Sledgehammer to have less body to own.  
21. By misrepresenting facts for their own benefit, Defendants have destroyed loads of fat and a double-digit amount of pounds that belonged to Sledgehammer.  (See Exhibit “B” attached hereto and incorporated herein).  
WHEREFORE, Sledgehammer prays for damages in an amount of $345.00, plus interest, court costs, attorney fees and any other relief permitted by Ohio law. 




COUNT III
Slander
22. Plaintiff incorporates each and every paragraph previously stated in this Complaint as if fully rewritten herein.
23. Sledgehammer has friends. 
24. Sledgehammer did not see some of his friends during the time he was in the “Whole30” Challenge.
25. After Sledgehammer’s friends saw him subsequent to completion of the Challenge, they used phrases such as, “Wow, Scott.  You look skinny!” and, “Geez Scott.  You’re in great shape!” and, “Holy smokes - did you lose weight?!”  
26. These statements have caused irreparable injury to Sledgehammer because the only interpretation of them is that his friends are saying he was fat and out of shape prior to joining Defendants’ gym.   
WHEREFORE, Sledgehammer prays for damages in an amount of $345.00, plus interest, court costs, attorney fees and any other relief permitted by Ohio law. 
COUNT IV
Kidnapping and False Imprisonment
27. Plaintiff incorporates each and every paragraph previously stated in this Complaint as if fully rewritten herein.
28. Defendants have intentionally made their gym a fun atmosphere, and have encouraged a “team-like” mentality that is purposely addictive to individuals like Sledgehammer.  
29. Sledgehammer has been lured in by these addictions, and cannot leave on his own free will now.  
30. Defendants actions have caused Sledgehammer to stay at the gym in excess of three (3) hours per week, and have left him wanting to be in the gym for greater periods of time.  
WHEREFORE, Sledgehammer prays for damages in an amount of $345.00, plus interest, court costs, attorney fees and any other relief permitted by Ohio law. 
PRAYER FOR RELIEF
1. Based upon the foregoing, Plaintiff respectfully requests that this Court issue judgment in his favor and against Defendants jointly and severally in the amount of $345.00.
2. Alternatively, Plaintiff prays for judgment against Defendants in the amount of
something close to that (defined in Defendants’ gym as “2nd place money”).  



1 comment:

  1. You've definitely got the most creative essay out there - but the body comp changes ain't bad either. Great work on your Whole30, your results speak for themselves. (And thanks for entertaining us today with your essay.)

    Best,
    Melissa & Dallas
    Whole9

    ReplyDelete